“even the top of the mountain is white”

One of racism’s harms is the way it falls on the unexceptional Black person who is asked to be extraordinary just to survive—and, even worse, the Black screwup who faces the abyss after one error, while the White screwup is handed second chances and empathy. This shouldn’t be surprising: One of the fundamental values of racism to White people is that it makes success attainable for even unexceptional Whites, while success, even moderate success, is usually reserved for extraordinary Black people.

– Ibram X. Kendi, How to be an Antiracist

so i climb dodge boulders
earn blisters but even
the top of the mountain
is white

— Vivek Shraya, “white dreams,” even this page is white

 

Salvation is the final book in bell hooks’ Love trilogy. I have very mixed feelings about the series as a whole, but I’ve been reading a chapter every night right before bed when I’m most exhausted, and find myself grateful for the accessibility and easy flow of her writing. The book is bringing up a lot of emotions in me, honestly.

sensibilities

they expect me to thank them
for table scraps,
crumbs fallen to the floor.
glass half-empty but still insist
my thirst is quenched.
“this is a rainforest,
not a desert.”

but I’m a cactus,
not a tree.
I don’t belong here;
I’m transplanted.
I’ll die among the weeds.
(but let me perish with a smile,
lest I offend your sensibilities.)

Book Review: Racism 101 by Nikki Giovanni ★★☆☆☆

This was my first time reading the poet Nikki Giovanni and I had no idea she was so witty and funny! I didn’t start off with a book of her poetry (which was probably my mistake), but rather this essay collection. And despite the inferences made from the title, this book didn’t address racism in the textbook/lecture way I thought it would. Instead, it took a much more personal approach, containing everything from her reflections on Toni Morrison’s entire body of work to anecdotes about her time spent as a professor at Virginia Tech. In short, this collection is the very definition of a mixed bag.

Book Review: Family Dancing by David Leavitt ★★★☆☆

Family Dancing is a strange little book of short stories. The title is apt, as each one centers around a different set of broken family dynamics. Take the title story for example, where a daughter is claustrophobically smothered on the dancefloor by a group of family members who remain oblivious to her distress.

My Top 3 Favorite Lyrics From Garageb&

Jesse® just released his new album, Garagb&, last month, and it’s been high on my rotation ever since. (So named because he made most of the beats himself in Garageband, which lends the record a raw, lo-fi feel.)

Why The Weeknd’s New Song is So Problematic

Can we talk about how The Weeknd’s new song is a hot, stinking pile of garbage?

Okay, cool.

Black Mirror: Bandersnatch’s Dream Within a Dream

4 days ago, Netflix released its Christmas special “Bandersnatch.” The episode is the latest installment of the sci-fi anthology Black Mirror, but no prior knowledge is needed to play or watch it. There’s been debate over what exactly Bandersnatch is–a game? An interactive movie? TV episode? Something in-between?

Regardless, it’s a choose-your-own-adventure story that’s extremely meta. Our protagonist, a shy young programmer named Stefan, is obsessed with turning the choose-your-own-adventure book Bandersnatch into a full-fledged computer game. Presumably he also struggles with a mental health issue of some sort, but that’s never clarified. When he lands a new job at Tuckersoft, his troubles quickly escalate.

Heavy Rotation 3: My Top 5 Songs of 2018

Continuing the yearly tradition, here’s the third in a series of posts analyzing my most-played songs of the year.

Microdosing: My Experience

I’d just started in on another of my depressive rants spanning everything from hatred for my unfulfilling, degrading job to despairing over my health and figure, when I was interrupted by my boyfriend: “I wish you could try it,” he said, referring to the magic mushrooms he’d been taking. “I’ve felt great all week.”

I paused, considering. Thursday evening was the start of my weekend, and already I could feel myself slipping down into a depressive spiral. I didn’t want to spend the weekend feeling like shit only to then regret how I’d wasted my precious free time come Sunday. I felt hopeless. Two whole days of misery loomed before me.

“Okay, but I don’t want to trip.”

Depression & Anxiety: What No One Tells You