Can we talk about how The Weeknd’s new song is a hot, stinking pile of garbage?
Okay, cool.
Let me preface this by saying I’m a huge fan of the R&B bad boy and have been for years. But his most recent single, “Lost in the Fire,” had me questioning everything. Let’s take a look at the offending lyrics:
You said you might be into girls
Said you’re going through a phase
Keeping your heart safe
Well, baby, you can bring a friend
She can ride on top your face
While I fuck you straight
Firstly, I’m under no delusions that The Weeknd’s lyrics have ever been upstanding. This is, after all, the same man who sang, “I just fucked two bitches ‘fore I saw you.” He has songs about fucking multiple girls, fucking girls he doesn’t know, and cheating on his girl. There’s even one where he coerces a girl into participating in a gangbang, and the majority of his songs make constant reference to drugs, alcohol, and sex. So, yeah. Not exactly wholesome.
You might argue depravity is actually the whole point of this dark-R&B-project-turned-pop-sensation. You could even say The Weeknd’s persona is that of the ultimate fuckboy — and I’d agree with you! His lyrics have always been hedonistic and misogynistic, but up until the release of “Lost in the Fire,” they were never homophobic. It’s a line he’s never crossed, and as a bisexual woman, I’m bothered by the fact that he chose to do it now, and to do so unapologetically.
These lyrics openly perpetuate harmful myths and misconceptions about the LGBTQ community, and I can’t describe how disappointing it is to see an artist I know and love so well willfully contributing to the spread of misinformation. So let’s break down exactly why this song is so problematic, one issue at a time. The myth of homosexuality being “just a phase” is a pretty good place to start.
It sounds like the woman in the song is referring to her own sexual experimentation as a phase — which is fine, if that’s the term she wants to use. Personally, I find this wording off-putting, because being told you’re “going through a phase” is something that frequently happens to LGBTQ people when they first come out. It’s the equivalent of asking us, “Are you sure about that? How do you know?”
If you don’t get why this is offensive, consider that straight people are rarely questioned about their straightness or asked to “prove” it by divulging their sexual history; they’re simply taken at their word. There’s also the implication that we don’t know ourselves; that we’re just “confused,” which is both infantilizing and insulting. This commonplace attempt to invalidate our identities and experiences (which so many of us have trouble coming to accept in the first place) is all kinds of fucked-up.
Now let’s address the second myth: that women can have sex with other women, but only feel love for men. The woman in the song states that she’s sleeping with other women so she won’t get her heart broken, which makes it pretty clear that she’s heteromantic, heterosexual, and homosexual. She may also be homoromantic, but it’s left unclear—either she doesn’t want a relationship with a woman, or is incapable of one.
Regardless of her specific orientation, it’s pretty clear that she falls under the LGBTQ umbrella, as she’s exploring and questioning her sexuality throughout the song. Because sexuality isn’t an either-or, black-and-white choice, but a fluid spectrum, it’s totally possible that she could be both bisexual and homoromantic. When we treat a person as if they can only be straight or gay and nothing else, we completely erase and ignore the very real existence of bisexuality—which is exactly what this song does.
The final issue I take with the song is the way it fetishizes lesbians. The Weeknd’s claim that he can “fuck her straight” is a line commonly used by straight men in an attempt to “turn” lesbians, and conveys a complete disregard for their sexual orientation. I find it hard to believe that The Weeknd has any real interest in his partner’s newly-discovered sexuality and helping her explore it, and that his motives aren’t ulterior. I think he just wants to fulfill his fantasies, and his partner’s lesbianism is simply a convenient way of doing so.
His desire to penetrate her during the act suggests that the threesome is much more for his benefit than hers. Thus the two women are simply props; performers for and enhancers of male sexuality. This is almost a textbook example of a straight man who fetishizes lesbian sex and sexuality while simultaneously devaluing and disrespecting lesbians.
I hope this breaks down exactly why “Lost in the Fire” is so problematic. You may say, “It’s only a song! It doesn’t have to be correct!” And in a way, you would be right. But consider that this song is being heard and played by millions of people and that, like it or not, popular culture influences and reflects popular opinion. In my eyes, “Lost in the Fire” is a reflection of what a long way the LGBTQ community still has to go in terms of being accepted and understood by the world at large. The song perpetuates many incorrect and harmful ideas about human sexuality, and as a part of the community, I can’t stay silent on the issue.
Of course it makes me sad that I can’t listen to a song by one of my favorite artists, but my hope is that on the next one, The Weeknd will leave the homophobia in the past where it belongs, and I can once again call myself a fan.
She Wants the Diction 